With that declaration (Song of Songs 5:8 NET), the woman in the “Songs” comes close to a declaration of her feelings, even though indirect. But, what about males. How do we determine the ideal Biblical male lover? What criteria identifies him? Big, strong? Handsome? Ready to verbalize his feelings and commitment? Where do we find an example to follow?
Hosea is often seen as a model of God’s mercy and forgiveness. Aren’t mercy and forgiveness qualities of an ideal lover? But, wait, Gomer, Hosea’s lover was a prostitute. She left him after bearing Hosea a child to go back to the street. He showed his love by rescuing her again from that life. Was that romantic?
One should, of course, go to the Song of Songs. Most versions of the Bible these days prefer to use this name rather than “Songs of Solomon”. Modern ideas of monogamy can’t comprehend the number of wives and concubines ascribed to Solomon by his biographers. Building a separate palace for an Egyptian princess didn’t really seem romantic (Did she nag? Have bad breath? Just need a place to do strange-to-the-Hebrews religious things?). The “Song” has some wonderful lines and should be read by lovers, but why doesn’t he/she come out and say the right words to the other. And the guy, to say “Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.” What was he thinking? But, then there is 7:12. . .. —But, these days where can you find a grove of pomegranates?
Then, there is David. Which of his loves do we begin with? Abigail has a good publicist: “Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.” (I Sam. 25:3) Did her actions show her to be such? Show David to be a model lover?
“Then David sent word to Abigail, asking her to become his wife. 40 His servants went to Carmel and said to Abigail, “David has sent us to you to take you to become his wife.”41 She bowed down with her face to the ground and said, “I am your servant and am ready to serve you and wash the feet of my lord’s servants.”
I have read some Christian romantic fiction and none of them ended that way.
Then, there’s the next verse: “David had also married Ahinoam of Jezreel, and they both were his wives. 44 But Saul had given his daughter Michal, David’s wife, to Paltiel[d] son of Laish, who was from Gallim.” (But remember seven chapters earlier? “Now Saul’s daughter Michal was in love with David, and when they told Saul about it, he was pleased. -I Sam 18:20)
Let’s not move on to Bathsheba or wonder about who David’s mother or why David’s children had so many problems with their love lives. Maybe we should look elsewhere for model Biblical lovers?
Since Jacob had fallen in love with Rachel, he said, “I’ll serve you seven years in exchange for your younger daughter Rachel.” 19 Laban replied, “I’d rather give her to you than to another man. Stay with me.” 20 So Jacob worked for seven years to acquire Rachel. But they seemed like only a few days to him because his love for her was so great. (Gen. 29:18-20)
Well, then he settled for Leah and waited for another seven for Rachel. Fourteen years? Well, that’s romantic! At least we know he had fallen in love. Wonder if he had told her that. At the well? At Leah’s wedding? After 14 years? Maybe after he was given Leah’s or Rachel’s servant for a concubine? I guess Biblical loves were different.
What about Boaz? There was something a bit romantic about the way they got together during the harvest festival (with coaching from Naomi), but without much clarity about Boaz’ style as a romantic hero. At least that pile of newly-harvested grain was warm.
Then there is Isaac who had a servant to do his courting. But, it turned out all right, apparently.
Then Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent. He took her as his wife and loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. Gen. 24:67 (NET)
One needs to remember that the Hebrew Bible was written by men and has as its focus the relationship between humans and God. From that we understand why many have seen the Song of Songs (or Solomon) as an allegory of the human-God relationship. Modern romantic traditions have been shaped by medieval times when arranged marriages were the norm. Women were a means to unite families, fortunes and property, usually without their consent. Wandering singers/instrumentalists called troubadours wrote and sang about love. Verbalizing about love was important because love was not often considered important in marriage. During this time, often the songs and poetry were about, at least indirectly, illicit love relationships.
What does the New Testament show us about communication between lovers? Zachariah may have written a love note or two to Elizabeth, but we are not told. Joseph and Mary had a lot of time to talk on their four or so days on the road to Bethlehem. Wish we knew about their conversations. About Ananias and Sapphira, we won’t inquire. Aquila and Priscilla should have left us some guidance on this topic. They sound like good communicators. Paul wasn’t interested in that sort of thing. But he did give us a bit of help. Husbands (and I suppose wives as well) are to love the other as Jesus loved the church. What was Paul referring to? What words? Perhaps it was the actions of Jesus: giving good news, dealing with sickness, bring release in bad times, providing food and so on.
But back to our original question. Who, in modern romantic terms would be our model male lover? That leaves us with the only Biblical lover, who we know to be big and strong and who is recorded to have fallen in love and to have told a woman, “I love you”. Who is our model lover? Samson, of course.